Here is the place where I love you.

It is strange how you never seem to be certain of your own feelings. It is like a never-ending stream of new questions appear when you have found the answer of something else. It is like the stars. Really, it is like the stars, you don´t know their true shape, their true purpose, how they were made, where they are, or if you have seen the same twice. The only thing is, that I don´t like all these questions, feelings. I do like the stars. Peace.

 The stars gives me peace. I find it.. reassuring knowing that there is something out there. It is reassuring to watch the beautiful sparks of light across a dark night sky. The stars are always the prettiest at a winters night, and I rarely care if it is cold. I love to lie on my back in a place that is far away from civilization, far away from everyone, and just stare at the sky.

There is only one thing I can think of that would make it better. Watching the stars away from civilization. The only thing that I think would make it better, would be to watch them with someone I love. Not the friend/family kind of love. No, someone I love. Oh. How that would be perfect. Hold his or her hand, lie close together. Not say a word, just be part of something bigger than ourself, be part of us, be part of the universe, be part of everything.

How I long for that. Love. Whatever it is, I long for it. I want it, I need it. I think about it every day, trying to find it, trying to figure it out.

My heartless self.

I don't know about this day. I started bad and ended bad with some nice moments in between. For instance, I thought I was over him as he had gotten a girlfriend, and I was unsure of my feelings. I told myself that it was not love, but he broke my heart ans he broke it again. Not that he knows, as he only told me about a dream in which I was included. But nevertheless, he broke me. He should not dream about me when he has a girlfriend, right? So, cowboy up, I told myself, and it went fine untill i scored "bad" at a test that I really needed the highest grade. Almost cried, but managed to hold it together until I walked home. Don't know, I cry easily these days. So, me and mum went shopping. For bras, mainly. We have been at a store where they measure and things like that, but, appearantly, mum does not believe them. She insist that I am to wear a size 75, when the meassuring says that I am to wear 70. Frankly, getting to know that I am a 70 has been one of the biggest joys since christmas, and she took it away. Either way, I got icecream and it all went fine, until I read something related to a book and some recent, seriuos happenings. How. Can. I. Be. So. Heartless! I feel like the most heartless person in the world, as I read the book and the thought did not even hit me once! It should hit me! Argh! I feel so stupid and cold and heartless, and I feel like just digging a hole and stay there for a long time. Arh! Anyway, sleep tight! xz

Sh'Bam!

Hi guys!
So, I was going to write yesterday, but I forgot and when I remembered, it was too late. Originally, I was going to write about some feelings yesterday, but no, so yeah. I am in a good mood now, so I won´t be writing any feelings now either.

So, let me tell you what I have been up to!
Yesterday, we danced in PE. Or, me and my friend did, the other ones did something else, I guess. Either way, it was fun, and I am really mastering the Swing-dance now! Rest of school was fine, nothing more, nothing less. When I got home, I relaxed, because I DID NOT HAVE ANY HOMEWORK. It felt soooooo good! Really, been waiting a long time for that! So, to make up for me not working out in the past two weeks(PE does not count), I went for a run with my dog! It was really nice, and even though I don´t like running, it felt good. After a shower, I got my hair cut, because our hairdresser came for a visit. The change is not noticeable, as I am trying to grow my hair longer, but it feels a bit lighter now!

Today, however, was great! First class, we got our mid-term-exams in main(or whatever, Bokmål in Norwegian.) Norwegian back! I got an A and I am super happy! Really, I thought it went a lot worse, and that I hadn´t answered what the task told me to, but, I guess not! The rest of the day was all fine, and we had PE for two classes, and I feel like I did a good job today, and I don´t normally bother getting to involved when we play football because of my fear. I am working on it, and it almost went good!
After dinner, I did some school work, wrote a bit about the Bahamas' history, and then I went for my first ever group workout at the gym! A friend from class went with me, and the class was called Sh'Bam!. It was really fun, and I think I will be going again next week. Also, now that I know how the system works, I will probably try some yoga-like class, and Zumba at Wednesday. I actually like working out at the gym, it makes me feel all good after! So, the two last days have been nice, and I also slept kinda well, which is nice for a change!

So, how are you?

xx

(Oh, and, yeah, I don´t have any pictures for you today. Sorry!)

Where is my mind?

What a day this have been. It has been both fun, happy, and the negative sides of those words. I had a presentation today, and a test. Both went fine, in fact, I got an A on the presentation. I was also told that I have gotten another A on another presentation, so that was nice. Most of my remaining schoolwork is done, and I have nothing to stress about, which feels nice and weird, as I have to remember to do the few remaining things, and not forget about it even if there is no stress involved.

However, this was a Bad Day for me, and I needed a break in one of my classes today. I tried to find the person I am supposed to talk to about that, but she was absent. Fortunately, my teacher understood, and let me have the test in a room by myself. I even got some extra time, which felt nice. It really did give me the break I needed, so I stayed the entire day, even though the day was Bad.

However, the day has been nice. Bad Days are often worse than this, and it was actually fine at the start of the day. Middle of the day was hard, but it all turned out fine, so I don´t think I will have any nightmares this night.
Also, on the positive side, I want to read, and I read yesterday. I haven´t been in the mood for reading since I finished The Hunger Games, so I am glad. I have, after all, over 30 books waiting for me to get lost within them!

I even did a good deed today! I gave this to Oda, and hopefully I made her day. She seemed happy, at least, and that made me happy as well! I really love to give away things, and this seemed to be a perfect thing for her! (And, the picture was taken by her and posted to her instagram, so I figure she liked it.)

My feelings have been kind of a mess lately, but I think I am starting to figure it out. At least, it is easier to think now that I don´t have so much going on! Walking really helps me thinking and just letting my mind go by itself, so yesterday as well as today, I went for long walks with my dog. It is nice to walk outside now, the weather has not been acting all super weird and crazy(it is usually all strange and confusing where I live).

So, anyway, I am going to stop writing now, because I have already written far too much for anyone to have interest in reading. Hope all of you have a great day/night/mornign/evening and that the sun is shining for you as well as me!

xx

Who Am I?

So, as promised, I am going to tell you guys a bit about myself. I don´t want to tell too much, but I want you to know what basically "everyone" knows about me.

Where to start... Oh!

Hi!
My name is Pernille. I am 15 years old, and will be 16 in a couple of weeks. I live outside Bergen, in Norway.  I like to read, write and take pictures of things. In fact writing is my biggest passion in life, and it is what keeps me going when times are hard.
I do well at school, and like to learn new things. I want to study as much as I can, and in as many countries as possible, simply because learning and travelling is some of the things that makes me happy.
I live in a grey house, with one yellow wall, together with my mum, dad and little brother. We also have a dog named Susi.

I used to play bowling every week, but had to quit because of school. I work out at the local gym about two times a week, and hope to return bowling after summer vacation. I also have a job at my grandmothers', where I wash and clean for her. I have applied for a summer-job, and hope to get it. I also hope to get another job after summer, so I can earn some more money on my own, and not be entirely dependent of my family.
I like to be independent, you see. I like to do things myself, and do them my way. I like to work alone, but I do also like to work in groups as long as I come along well with those I work with. I am not afraid to ask for help if I need it, but I do mostly manage just fine on my own.
At my spare-time, I like to hang out with friends. Unfortunately, most of my friends rarely have the time or energy to spend much time with me.(Not that I have so much spare time or energy right now, school takes a lot of it. Everything, in fact.) I find that a bit sad, because I like to be social. I am trying to make new friends, but I find it a bit difficult, as I have been friends with the weaker persons in school, and simply don´t know how to act or how it is to be friends with someone who is more strong and "normal".
However, if I were to describe myself with three words, those would be happy, caring and loving. I tend to care a lot more about people than what they do about me, but I am totally fine with that. I don´t fall in love easily, but I love all of my friends, a lot more than what they would ever think or believe.

So, yeah! I guess that´s it! If you have any questions, or something like that, just comment and I will try to answer!

Have a nice day!
xx

New blog!

So, I used to have a wordpress blog, but I got so confused and did not know what to do of it, so I decided to create a new! After a bit thinking and some coincidences, I decided to create one here! As far, it seems all good, easy and nice! I can´t wait to get started for real.

Mainly, this blog is going to be about me, my everyday, and my interests. I will probably publish photos, writings and such things, because I like to do things like that. But, my activity, will, as always, depend on school, spare time and readers/comments. I am not the most motivated person in the world, especially not about blogging. But I do get really motivated when people comment and take interest in what I do!

That is it for now, though, and I will update with something about me, and things like that. Until then,

enjoy this super revealing picture of my face.